Top Twenty Alternate Uses for Tribbles
in This or Any Known Universe!

By Bob & Blanche (with a little help from our friends)...

Authors' Disclaimer: We realize that there are people out there named Tribble who might be embarrased, even offended, by this list.
Needless to say, our intention is not to cast dispersions on you
(yeah, right! *snicker*)



1> Tribble & Palukoo Kabobs: The new burgers with the grown-up taste!
   BC: Or that should be "Arch-Kabobs"
   RV: I can see the old man now: "Darn kids... darn grown-ups...
      darn tribbles!!"

2> Wonder what Garak thinks of tribbles?
   Wonder what tribbles think of Garak?
   RV: Garak does this thing where he balances tribbles on top of
      his fore-head ornament.  Great at parties, etc...

3> Target Practice (an Intendant-related use if ever there was one)
   Or... nice things to shoot out of Terran ships (trib-ton torpedoes!)

4> Tribbles would be *very* useful as sponges for a sponge-bath
   in the milk-tub (and yes, they DO float!).

5> Those pesky tribbles would be handy for makeup removal, like        
   cottonballs only livelier.
   RV: And they squeak when you grab one!!

6> Tied together, they make a wonderful baby-mobile.

7> A somewhat more practical pediatric use... as baby-wipes.
   BC: Somehow, I don't see "Tribble Pampers" being a top sales 
       item on the Klingon homeworld

8> Top part of the uniform for Intendant Kira's female slaves(!!)
   RV: Imagine them lining up for inspection... "That tribble is
       crooked... straighten it!!"

9> InstaHair -- to fix up those REALLY bad 'dos

10> Ferengi ear-scrubbers (gets down into all those hard-to-reach places)

11> Bashir discovers an antidote for Klingons so that Worf isn't affected
    by them. Odo morphs into a duffle bag (again) and we stuff lots of
    tribbles inside, and smuggle it into the Klingon Homeworld....

12> The newest sporting rage: Trib-ball!
    BC: Tribbles as targets in darts with Bashir and O'Brien. 
        Gets him out of the Defiant once in a while.  Worf really 
        needs to get a life.
    RV: Winner gets to play the darts equivalent of William Tell, 
        loser gets the tribble on his head (Worf's idea, as usual).

13> Hanging screen-ornaments in shuttles & runabouts (especially the white
    cube-shaped tribbles with the black spots...)

14> Ever wore a tribble-suit?  Not only does it keep you warm, but you
    get one hell of a massage... just ask the Intendant: "Sure beats
    that Goodyear sweat-suit I'm stuck with..!"

15> Theatrical prop, soon to be demonstrated by Data as Richard III:
        "A tribble... My kingdom for a tribble!"

     RV: That, or Tasha Yar...
     ...Not to be outdone, Quark steals the idea for his role as King
     Duncan in the DS9 production of Macbeth:
        "Now is the tribble of my discontent...!"

     BC: "Nobody knows the tribbles I've seen..."
       (sung by Capt. Sisko at the annual DS9 Amateur Night contest)

16> Jadzia Dax's Disappearing Tribble Act!!
     RV: "Hey Worfie... watch me pull a tribble out of my hat..."
     BC: "Hey Worfie... watch me pull my hat out of a tribble..."

17> "...Next on our shew, the lovely Nerys will bend backwards & pick up
    a tribble off the floor with her teeth!" (holographic Ed Sullivan)
     RV: Holo-program available from the New Las Vegas Gift-Shoppe,
         on the resort-planet Risa ("The Love Globe").

18> Just how valuable are tribbles... could they be used as currency?
    Quark: "I'll pay you two disks of gold-pressed tribble and not
    a hair more!!"

19> Crash-test dummies for experimental vole-traps
And, last but not least...
20> Sneezy-wipes for pregnant Bajoran ladies!!

B&B would like to thank Sara C. in Louisiana, C. Aziz at Netcom, Deb in south Florida, Emily in Southern Cal and Erik R. in The Netherlands for their kind assistance & good humor. *g*


©1998 Bob & Blanche