Top 20 Ways the Intendant can use Worf now that
he's on Terok Nor...

1> Use his forehead as a deep-body massage device
     BC: You've been reading alt.startrek.creative.erotica too often...

2> Butler or footman (imagine a Klingon in white tie and tails)
    BC: But we've already seen this! Our Man Bashir... 
    RV: Worf can also bring the Intendant her slippers & fetch 
        her morning paper!
    BC: Here, Woofie! Sit Woofie! Goooood Woofie! 
          Have some nice fresh gagh, Woofie.....
    RV: "Arf!" said Worf. <pant> <pant>

3> Master of Ceremonies at the annual Alliance Olympics - activities 
   include the usual Springball, Ferengi-football, Pin-the-Tail-on-
   the-Terran, Bat'leth toss, etc.  
      BC: Ferengi bowling.  Ferengi-Toss...

  Grand prize: one night alone with the Intendant to experience her 
  special brand of gymnastic feats, then be summarily executed in the 
  morning.

4> "Lounger" 
    RV: watch the first Intendant scene in TTLG & you'll know what 
      I mean ;={)
    BC: No explanation needed.
    RV: Come to think if it, Blanche, you're right. *g*

5> Bath-attendant (keeps the milk fresh & warm??  Sponge-handler??)
     BC: yup -- you've definitely been reading alt.sex.startrek.erotica...

6> Light-holder or some other decorative device in the Intendant's 
   quarters.  But this might call for a wider range of expression and 
   more varied reactions than we have yet seen from Worf.
   (with thanks to Inga Horwood for this item)
   
7> Janitor (armed with a bucket, mop & those indispensable Intendant 
   drool-towels!).

8> Vole-catcher Extraordinaire
   BC: Hm. Wonder if Sauteed Vole could be a Klingon delicacy...
          "Worf's Guide to Classic Cuisine on DS9"
   RV: Hmmm, Sauteed Vole... tastier than Palukoo-on-a-Stick!

9> To elaborate further on the previous item, 

       Worfie & His Amazing Trained Voles act.

   BC: Woofie & His Amazing Trained Voles
       Woofie & His Amazing Trained Ferengi

10> Spokesklingon for Nutragena T-Gel Shampoo: "Hypokeratosis...."

11> Replace Majel Barrett as the voice within the Terok Nor main 
    computer.  Somehow "This station will self-destruct in 30 seconds"
    has a more appropriately ominous tone with Worf's voice.
       BC: Naw - I want to see Fascination but with Worf in it...
       RV: How about this...the holo-scene in Meridian: Kira's body
           and Worf's head instead of Quark's.
       BC: Is that a request for me to crank up the scanner again? OK.
           Keep your eyes on my web page - Gadzooks, you're sick!

12> Provide entertainment during state functions (sing "Tiptoe Thru
    The Tulips" with a ukelele, a soft-shoe routine with Garak,
    or whatever amuses the Intendant **evil grin**).
       BC: Has Worf got the appropriate vibrato? 
       RV: no, but he can play a mean uke!

13> Host of "Terran Gladiators", the hot new show on UPN.
       BC: Terrans are weak. "Alliance Gladiators", now *that's*
           a show worthy of Klingons! Klingon Gladiators vs Cardassians!

14> Lifeguard at the Intendant's private resort on Risa.
    RV: Worf could spend hours daydreaming he's on Baywatch *g*.
    BC: Worf *could* be on Baywatch, but who would notice? Now if
        K'lheyr were on Baywatch....wait a minute, that should have
        been *YOUR* line!

15> Star in the Greater Terok Nor Opera's production of Verdi's
    "Othello"
    RV: Happened to be inspired by Placido Domingo doing the same.
    BC: Or Placido Flamingo?
        I dunno. I think Riker and Worf doing Klingon Opera would
        be a definite sell-out

16> Customer Service Representative for TNOL (Terok Nor Online).
    RV: I did it for three months so now it's YOUR turn, Worfie!
    BC: eeeee-YESSSSSSS!

17> Worfie & His Bubbly & Buxom  Bajorettes!
       Now in their third sold-out engagement 
         at the Kayless' Palace Resort, 
               New Las Vegas, Risa.
    RV: You should see his Barry White impression...."ooooh baaahby!"

18> All-Alliance Championship Wrestling!!!:

     "Iron-Head" Worf vs. "Smiley" O'Brien!

19> Script-writer for "Star Trek CCLXVI: Yet Another Final Frontier"

20> The Intendant's secret weapon against DS9.  She could engineer his
   appointment as commander of the station, and then sit back while he 
   bores everyone back to Bajor, Earth, the Dominion, wherever.  The 
   ideal sleeper!

   (once again, a big thank-you to Inga!)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast...

©1996 Bob & Blanche